If you are like me a member of social media groups, particularly those into witchcraft, you have probably read, or even answered to, inquiries about spells for all kinds of things. Lately, it seems, the requests for spells to deal with someone who cheated, or abruptly left a relationship, have increased. Maybe it’s because it’s Spring (at least on the northern hemisphere) or maybe it’s just that I am more aware of these posts because that issue has caught my attention.
Typically, I see three types of responses.
One is basically to cut the loss, end the relationship, and move on. That’s how I would feel my best option would be. Because, why bother? Of course, this rather laissez faire approach only works if there is little responsibility the couple had together. No complicated financial situations (e.g. a house), for example.
And, more importantly, if there are no kids. Because if that’s the case, a total end of the interaction with one another is not possible. Money needs to be transferred to the person keeping the kid(s), visitation has to be agreed upon and so forth and so on. I am aware that this is not always (or even almost never) such a clear cut case, but spellwork won’t help there either.
Then there are the suggestions of what to do, what spells to utter, to bring the cheater or dumper back. I don’t know. Is that really the best course of action? How much trust can remain? And if the spell compels the perpetrator to do something they actually no longer wanted in the first place — i.e. love the betrayed or dumped person — that can only result in a relationship with a love-zombie.
What concerns me, though, are the responses of the third type, those that actually suggest to make someone sick, or even kill them with a spell. And these are not far and few in between! You often can read a litany of spell suggestions calling anything from erectile dysfunction to cancer all the way to deadly accidents upon a person who does not longer love their partner. These posts are usually accompanied with absolutely vile accusations and unmanaged anger.
Often enough, the original poster was just asking for a friend. May that as it be, when asked for a spell we would first and foremost ask ourselves what do we really know about the relationship in question, would we not? Because as functioning adults we’d have to gage if we really are in the position to judge a situation from one brief, and usually biased, social media post so that we can determine torture or death sentences as being what’s warranted? Especially considering the “though shalt not judge me” attitude that is prevalent in pagan and witch circles. Because if we don’t want to be judged, we shouldn’t really pass judgment on others, at least not with little to no knowledge of the circumstances. Otherwise…hypocrisy, right?
Unless you are willing to, if you’re the one who’s doing the cheating, the dumping, self-inflict.
Let’s just keep in mind that a relationship is based on love and attraction to things valued by one partner which the respective other partner has. And that is not restricted to looks. Sometimes, these attractions fade or change throughout one’s life . And of that happens, is one really to stay in a relationship against their will because they would otherwise be hexed into disease or death? What allows the person wielding such magic (purposefully not capitalized here) to think they can demand another person to love them no matter what, against their own interest, just because the partner knowing magic wants it that way?
I guess these out-of-proportion reactions to something that simply happens in life, like here in relationships, is why Gardner put the Rede in his Wicca. Or why folks from antiquity on warned that abusing Magic for pure egocentric purposes has its price (no, Gardner did not invent that concept, he just adapted it for his movement). Of course, one can whisk away the notion of ethical use of Magic by declaring they don’t believe in these measures — the Rede, the law of threefold return and such. And that would be fine if that person is able to stay within the ethical boundaries and expectations that come with power. But when I read some responses to these how-can-I-hurt-my-ex questions, there seems to be no boundaries or ethics. At all.
My way, my wish, or disease and death. That’s what these responses boil down to. We just have to ask ourselves if that is any better than the Catholic Inquisition with their “Burn them at the stake!” mentality, the Taliban, or some fundamental Evangelicals. And that one moment of giving the matter some thought may help us avoid falling into the pit of rage like Daenerys Targaryen in Game of Thrones.